Why sugar barons take pride of place in Ruto's heavenly vision of earth

Prezzo Bill Ruto styles himself as a good Christian and he is predictably familiar with the Good Book, even though he occasionally invents new verses to make his many points. We saw that last year during the electioneering process, when he referenced a Biblical verse that does not exist.

He was at it this week as well, warning thieves and robbers and charlatans to consider fleeing into exile or risk jailtime.

The third option, he added slashing his hand in air for emphasis, was that such elements should make a trip to heaven.

Were it not that Prezzo Ruto is a staunch Christian who frequently attends church, I’d have thought he was getting things up for the Biblical caveat that’s widely quoted is that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

I have no idea why classism is so strictly enforced in heaven, but it could be that the rich presumably have their heaven on earth. I’m not certain if that’s the good life that Prezzo Ruto was intent on disrupting, or if he detested that the aforementioned rich folks having it easy by disrupting others. Or it could be that he detests the rich because he is not one of them. He is, after all, Hustler Number One.

Hence his warning to crooks, thieves and robbers to find another country where they could seek exile, get ready to go to jail or make a trip to heaven.

I’m repeating his exact words because of the precise way in which they were delivered. Prezzo Ruto knows the precise problem that besets the nation and its solution.

Hear him: “Kenya has suffered immensely because of corruption, wastage, and theft. We cannot continue to entertain corruption, wastage, and theft in whatever name. We cannot continue to entertain. We need to have a break.”

Let’s pause there for a moment and ponder if it’s Kenyans who need a break from the thieving class, or if the kleptocrats who need to take a leave of absence, perhaps to return even more ravenous and vicious.

I’d like to consider the latter, when one big thief would have to explain to immigration officials that their reason for exile was stealing more than their original countries could bear, and where their occupation would be properly documented as “stealing.”

One would assume that the natural spots for such crooks to hide would be the so-called “tax-heavens” scattered around the world, though I doubt it would be a straight-forward matter. They would probably be told: It’s not you we want here, but the loot you bring us. Go ye forth from whence you came and continue to steal for us.

In which case, the idea of thieving crooks making a trip to heaven appears rather misplaced. But since everything in our land lies in the realm of the possible, we shouldn’t be surprised if we found that a panya route has been invented especially for the crooked rich in our midst.

The precision with which Prezzo Ruto delivered his prescription for ridding the nation of economic saboteurs (thankfully, they have departed from the streets), suggests this is something that he has given a bit of thought.

The lingering question: If he knew then what he knows now, why has it taken it him this long to enforce what sounds like a practical solution to a problem that has gnawed at our body politic for 6o years, and counting? Well, as Christians like to say, God’s time is always the best.